SELF in Psychological wellbeing

Psychological wellbeing is a condition that does not come easily to the humans. We would rather be unhappy than happy! We are suspicious of happiness and like very much to wallow in sorrow since it comes to us more easily! Well, but innately we are required to be  happy, and enjoy a sense of well being for better health and smoother interpersonal relationships. But really, it is easier to be unhappy than happy!

Hence in this article… I am trying ways to see if we can try to be happier. For reaching that goal we have to work on Self as well as Others. Here in this one, I am presenting some ideas about the Self in psychological well being.

Self: We own ourselves; we don’t own anyone else and no other person owns us. If we want to be psychologically well, we must work on our selves first. We can control ourselves, but not others. So what can be done?

• Self esteem: you are responsible for your sense of self worth. Love and appreciate yourself by recognising and working on your positives. When you love yourself, it becomes easier to see the positives in life, rather than count the negatives everywhere.
• Self regulation: regulate your thoughts and behaviours constantly. This will help reduce conflicts with others, getting into depressive thoughts, or becoming angry and frustrated. Waiting for a more suitable time to discuss things, counting ten, taking the perspective of the other are all part of self regulation
• Self reliance: yes, depend on yourself to do all things that are important for you. Do not delegate to others. You only can do things to your satisfaction…others will only stress you out
• Self discipline: being disciplined in all life activities is grossly underrated for psychological wellbeing. An organised person gets things done on time, meets deadlines effectively, completes work when it should be and thereby receives less or no criticism from others. Self discipline also helps us appreciate ourselves better
• Self appreciation: we have been told from generations that self appreciation is tantamount to arrogance and should not be indulged in. But not being able to see one’s own positives and strengths is detrimental to building on the positivity in us. It must be done but within limitations. Self appreciation gone over board has serious negative consequences.
• Self expectations: we sometimes have too many expectations from ourselves. We would like to be super human beings doing a lot of things successfully simultaneously. It is pretty tough to carry on in this vein for long which can lead to two conditions;   a) you are disappointed and disgusted with yourself  b) others will criticise you since you set such standards and increased their expectations from you. Moderating self expectations is great for psychological wellbeing
• Self indulgence: well this is a big NO by our elders. They forbid us to indulge ourselves, claiming it to be one of the great sins to be shunned. But indulging ourselves sometimes, in some aspects is essential for psychological wellbeing. Eating that favourite food, buying and wearing that beautiful dress, watching that favourite film again, talking to that friend every day, gossiping about that unpleasant character (yes, this too!) once in a while, reading a favourite novel in place of an academic one once in a while, listening to music even though prohibited by elders…all are important. Only thing to remember is to know how much and how often self indulgence can be resorted to.
• Self criticism: yes…we humans, especially women are very good at self criticism. Men to some extent have greater opinions about themselves due to the positive impact of patriarchal environment we all live in and therefore are less prone to self criticism. This has the following consequences a) self criticism done very often leads to low sense of self worth, unhappiness, inferiority complex and diffidence b) self criticism in moderation can be helpful in bettering one’s behaviour, actions and interactions with others. Too much can lead to psychological problems. Moderating self criticism, not blaming self for everything that goes wrong is essential for sense of wellbeing.
• Self awareness: capturing the happy moments as they happen, recognising the sadness as it strikes us, becoming aware of the irritation, anger, frustration as they are taking a strangle hold on us… these are important exercises to deal with. Our emotions are our guide to moving towards a sound psychological health. This self awareness has to be cultivated carefully.
• Self Expression: bottling up and not expressing emotions is a major cause of psychological distress. But unfortunately, we are not given license to express our emotions freely. Society demands restraint. It is still possible to have outlets for negative emotions. Finding those that suit our nature is important. Taking long walks, writing, cleaning up things, cooking, listening to music, maintaining silence for a while… are all time tested forms of self expression
• Self blame: this is the bane of psychological wellbeing. Most among us have blamed ourselves for all that went wrong with our circumstances. It is bad enough when others keep blaming us, but we also do this to ourselves. It is important to realise that things go wrong because of multiple causes and you are not be named and blamed as the culprit. Takes time but this attitude too can be overcome
• Self time: very important to create self time every day to indulge in your favourite, stress relieving activities such as yoga, walking, meditation, practicing an art and so on.

We can go on targeting ourselves for being constantly in poor sense of well being, failing to realise that multiple factors are always at play in creating a sense of well being and the person is at the centre of it and can work towards a sense of well being.  Good luck in this endeavour…