Self-centeredness

It’s a more polite word for selfishness maybe.

Google comes up with this as its meaning :

Concerned only with oneself: egocentric, egoistic, egoistical, egomaniacal, egotistic, egotistical, self-absorbed, self-involved, selfish, self-seeking, self-serving. Idiom: wrapped up in oneself.

I would like to add Narcissistic too, since they have self centeredness as a major personality trait among others.

This behaviour is something we encounter in everyday life.

People can express self centeredness in a variety of ways

• Considering they are the center of the world they survey ( Narcissists) or deeply unhappy with their situation in life (low self esteem, despondent lot)
• Imagining that their opinions are the most apt, irrevocable and worthy of ready acceptance
• Talking incessantly about themselves and their experiences
• Not paying attention to others’ concerns
• Thinking and doing things that suit their convenience rather than stop to think if it is not okay for others
• Expecting others to be interested in their worries and concerns
• They ignore their weaknesses and magnify others weaknesses
• Making hugely impactful decisions without wondering about others’ point of view
• In any given situation, putting oneself forward ignoring others
• Walking out of situations as soon as one’s own issues are made clear, not helping others to resolve theirs
• Impatient in listening to others
• Looking down upon others opinions, ideas
• In any message they receive, they will pick up only that which suits them and ignore the rest of the message
• They look for information that fits their perception, and ignore all other alternative explanations
• They strongly believe that they are right all the time and others are wrong all the time
• Interrupting others constantly; not letting them even complete what they would like to express
• Hold self serving bias in great measure; in every situation think only in the lines of what suits them and not others
• Never willing to admit a mistake, a need to correct themselves or to even apologize!
• Within the house too, enforce their ways of doing things, however inconvenient it is for others
• Work environments too must work to suit their will and convenience
• Demand and not command respect
• Expect gratefulness from others constantly but never be grateful to anyone
• Never acknowledge worth in others; not appreciate others or be thankful to them
• Never will they feel the pain they might be inflicting on others…this could be bordering on sociopathic or psychopathic tendencies

This list can go on…

We do not see self centeredness as a serious problem unfortunately but this single trait has wrecked havoc in many relationships both at family level and in work places.  Some examples could be

• Never seeing the children’s point of view has messed up many parent – child relationships irrevocably
• Ignoring subordinates opinions, work problems has spoilt many work environments, leading to under utilization of resources and poor outputs
• Not considering spouses point of view and problems unfortunately makes for unhappy marriages, followed by separation and divorces
• Not considering parents worthy of giving ideas or stating opinions has resulted in many a blunder in young members lives that could have been completely avoided
• Even in out of home situations self centeredness can be seen to wreck havoc on roads involving total strangers leading to accidents, fights and even murders
• At a criminal level, the sociopaths and psychopaths are basically thinking only about themselves too and therefore the gruesome crimes they tend to commit!

With so much at stake, can this trait be cured/ minimized?

There are different levels to the expression of this trait and surely the less lethal actions that follow such self centered thinking can be prevented with counselling, self help guidelines and serious effort on the part of the individual concerned. The lethal ones certainly need professional help.

Some suggestions for the persons concerned about improving their world view

• First step is to recognize that one’s own behaviour and attitudes are clearly self centered. Needs complete honesty to admit this. Needs also maturity of mind and thoughts. Most of us gain this kind of wisdom when everything is lost. So, it is important to wake up as early as possible to the truth of self and situation.
• Seek advice and help… this is completely against the will of a self centered person… he thinks he knows everything… unfortunately that’s not true. A third person, unconnected with one’s life and can be trusted to help must be sought to advice and encourage.
• Many times self centeredness is a major consequence of poor sense of self worth leading to low self esteem. Building on self esteem is one important personality development goal in order to avoid falling into the trap of self centeredness as a defense against poor self esteem
• Persons with narcissistic tendencies are serious victims of self centeredness. Great effort to put themselves aside to look into the goodness, greatness in others, see their needs as equally worthy of attention is required. For this they must consciously stop themselves from gloating about their greatness or wallowing in unhappy thoughts that others have used them, and see the situations of life from truly realistic perspectives. Hard for narcissists, but there it is!
• Parents must stop seeing children as possessions , but treat them as individuals apart from them with their own thoughts and feelings and practice respecting them
• Spouses too do not own each other…they are two individuals who made a commitment to live together sharing life’s experiences and responsibilities…they must learn to respect each other, appreciate the good in each, and minimize the negativity in their interaction as much as possible in order to prevent separation.
• Bosses in organizations must realize that it will not run on their commands or demands but will run to success with the collaborative work of all its members. Coercion does not produce great work…never has and never will. Co-opting all members into tasks and cooperating along can see achievements.

While all the above suggestions are easier said than done, we humans are capable of changing ourselves if we set our will to do so… so good luck to those who would like to attempt to change the way they see themselves and others.