Respect
There are two dimensions to it; demanding respect and commanding respect. Proportion of people demanding respect outweighs those commanding it. That is obvious.
Everybody wants to be respected. That’s critical for optimum self esteem. But we all live in a world where there is scant respect for one another. It is hard to get respect… that is, command respect.
Demanding respect is much easier. It primarily requires the individual to be in a higher position than others in the group by virtue of seniority and / or use of power and gender. There are many such individuals by virtue of job related, family related and social related hierarchies in the society.
Most people find it easy to demand respect; elders, husbands, parents, bosses, politicians, police basically come to mind. Innumerable arguments, altercations are commonly seen.
One can place demands in various manners;
In the workplace
- stand and talk
- wait long hours for appointments
- salute whenever seen
- use respectful address such as sir/ madam, Dr. and so on
- hold attentive expression all through the discourse
- speak only when spoken to
- obey orders without questioning
- do not back bite, gossip or complain
At home
There are wide variations in demand for respect at home. Traditional families insisted upon men, elders, guests being given first priority in receiving respect. But among modern nuclear households, there are very many differences; persons with hot temper are given respect irrespective of gender! Some examples of demands for respect at home which are camouflaged as just habits of the family and nobody questions them are:
- Men eat first and women serve
- Wife does not say a word against her in laws all her life
- In an argument, the last word is always that of the husband (though there are scores of jokes to the contrary)
- Children keep silent when elders criticise, scold or punish them
- The best seating in the house is occupied by the senior male member
- The senior male member’s permission is required for most things that involve tradition, rituals and money matters.
- Financial control is in the man’s hands
This list can go on…depending upon individual family ecology.
Many would protest to this, I am sure. This does not happen in modern nuclear families! True, in most modern nuclear households, these things do not operate in toto. But the elders and men would like it to be that way! Therefore, many conflicts are erupting in families on these issues. Any changes in these patterns are seen as lack of respect for men and elders.
Lack of respect is one dominant reason for conflicts among modern families.
Those who command respect easily elicit these behaviours from others, but those who demand respect, have to consciously bring out these bahaviours in others at every social interaction.
Commanding respect is an unconscious act whereas demanding respect is a highly conscious and deliberate act. It goes without saying those who command respect are more socially acceptable and well liked individuals.
Commanding respect requires the following in different measures
At workplace
- Good to exceptional talent in some human activity. Much effort needs to go into gaining such expertise
- Hard work, diligence, regularity and consistency are hallmarks of those who command respect. Difficult behaviours to practice consistently
- Social cognition, awareness and adeptness at catching social cues and responding in appropriate manner in most social situations. Not an easy thing to do
- Being available for others, helping in tasks, assisting in solving problems, advising in a non intrusive manner, empathetic approach and so on. Again a tall order
- Being modest about talent, achievements and successes. Hard to resist bragging
- Projecting a confident , attractive personality at all times, not easy for many among us
- Dress and manners and general deportment that inspires admiration; needs practice
At home
- Treat everyone as equal; children too are individuals in their own right
- Listen to others opinions, requests and objections; never take situations into control without this
- Play fair in a conflicting situation
- Apologize, even to one’s own children if one realizes one could be wrong
- Resolve conflicts amicably; discussion, walking half way are helpful
- Take everyone along in decision making, by treating family as a unit and not a place where one person is the boss
- Share in household tasks; goes a long way in commanding respect
- Avoid blame games
- Control volatile emotions; these are the major reason one cannot command respect.
What critical personality factors need to be addressed in order to command respect?
- Self esteem: persons with comfortable, positive sense of self worth will never denigrate others, and thereby receive respect
- Introspection: looking inwards helps in resolving many dilemmas, conflicts amicably, and thereby command respect
- Self control especially control over emotions: this is critical ability to gaining respect from others. Nobody would respect a raving and ranting person, though they may fear such a person!
- Non judgemental appraisal of persons and situations; helps in fair disbursal of justice all around
- Adequate frustration tolerance levels: life is full of disappointments and setbacks. Having the ability to cope with these in a calm, stoic manner is the direct route to gaining respect of others
- Perseverance : continuing in tasks in hard times until the goal is achieved
- Persuasion, negotiation skills: most important for smoothing a volatile situation, building relationships, solving human interaction problems.
This list too can go on. Bottom line, it is hard to command respect…much easier to demand it from unfortunate others!
So, we see all over the world people are at it…demanding respect wherever they can.
Fewer exemplary individuals will, however be there, basking in voluntary reception of honour and respect, kudos to them.
Elaborately explained…enjoyed reading it…