I was a kind of person who would get angry very soon, say things as they come to my mind and make my displeasure very obvious when I was a young woman, just into my job.

After 6 years, I left for higher studies to an institution, that changed me dramatically. I was there for 5 years, long enough to transform my personality.

Here are a few things I suggest that one must consider if one wants to change as a person

1. Set goals: sounds easy but difficult to work towards them. When you set a goal, your complete attention must be on that and every hurdle on the path must be handled with care so that the sight of your goal is still visible. For instance, right at the beginning of my study period in this new institution I had a major clash with the senior most professor. It was really demeaning and disheartening. After a bout of self-pity, I decided to shrug it off, because my goal was to complete the higher degree. I was excruciatingly careful when I again dealt with this professor, all through the years. Finally, she admitted that I was pretty good and could complete my work and leave back for my job. In flying colours I came out.
2. Have realistic expectations from yourself: this is important, because, your work pattern and your intrinsic motivation are directly linked to what you expect from yourself and finally achieve.
3. Base your self-esteem on your own assessment of your achievements: when we look to others for confirmation, we get mixed messages depending up on their perception of us. This could be unreliable. Trust your own judgement and be brutally truthful to yourself. Then your self-esteem will not suffer a blow.
4. Introspect: very difficult. Most of us look towards the outer world and its endorsement of us. Introspecting is an alien concept. But it is critical if we want to change ourselves. Accepting our drawbacks is the first step to changing.
5. Take criticism in stride, be open to criticism: do not shut yourself from being judged. This is crucial for personality change. How we appear to others is important knowledge for working on our weaknesses.
6. Make adjustments: many of us come to believe that the parental home, our good friends circle and a nice environment in our college are for keeps, when we are young. We rarely think of alternative life challenges and suddenly everything changes one day. The change comes basically from a) getting into a job b) getting married c) moving to a new place. If we think we can be and do the same things in these three situations as we are used to, you can be sure that all hell will break lose. Adjustments become necessary may be for the first time. Be smart in assessing the new environment and carefully plan your adjustments so that there is no loss of your sense of self-worth, as well as there is smooth sailing in the environment. A really tough balancing act, but I have done it and it can work for you.  Please remember to use your intelligence and not go by the strong emotions that accompany many situations in life. Compromises are not bad, make them, they go a long way in life and do not demean you in your own eyes.
7. Be prepared to make adjustments in everyday life situations, but never ever compromise on your major goals of life. For instance, I have found that making daily routine adjustments to new married life, a new office setting, a new boss can go a long way in actually fulfilling one’s long time goals and ambitions. Many do not realise that small sacrifices go a long way.
8. Limit your expectations from others: in fact, do not have any expectations from others. This has been my motto in life. I have built a strong resolve over the years that I will do everything that needs to be done for my life to be what I want it to be. Interestingly the more self-sufficient you are the more you are admired and helping hands do come forward.
9. Take work seriously: never play the fool with your designated work. It’s the single most important thing that will give you name, fame, recognition and respect from the world. And who does not want these things? Short cuts will be short lived, kindly avoid them.
10. Do not delegate, if you know you can do it better than others: I have followed this principle all my life and it has paid rich dividends for me. Try it and see the satisfaction you will get at the end of each day of your life.
11. Power must be used sparingly: a tough one to follow, I know. If one is in the seat of power, it is really hard to resist using it to the hilt. But it must be used with care for your own benefit. The powerful ones who use it all the time are the ones who are hated the most. Again, your intelligence and discretion must come into play where, when and how much power must be exercised. For instance, the control freaks who keep everything to themselves and expect everyone to answer to them set a good example of power crazy unintelligent behaviour. The suggestion, for the most part of live, keep the power fist closed, you will have great reputation with others and your power enhances.
12. Be self-reliant and develop self-reliance in others: give freedom to others, tell them what must be done and let them choose the way it can be done. Set your output goals and time schedules but leave them to do it their own way. Helps build great relationships and generally a pleasing atmosphere in the place, either at home or at work.
13. Be a learner all your life: this has been said by many eminent people and I will reiterate it. Critically important to learn new skills, upgrade your knowledge of things that are of concern in your life. Do not get stagnated at 40 years of age. That’s what many do. That is a dangerous age, professionally some stability comes, personally family is doing fine, financially things are looking up, therefore a person psychologically relaxes. This leads to stagnation and is really difficult to shake off. Avoid this pitfall at any cost.
14. See the positive first: hard for most people. We are habituated to see only negatives, problems, mistakes in any situation. Even when we watch a movie, we see what is not nice first. Many among us see only negative things, the really sad creatures of this world. Make a practice of seeing nice things in the world and see the change that comes over you in a while.
15. Appreciate others: again very tough for most people. I have always wondered why it is so difficult to give praise. Psychologists tell us positive feedback is critical for good learning and positive self-esteem. But not so in the real world. We don’t praise our children fearing they will become vain, we don’t praise our work partners because we are worried they will overtake us, and so on. A praise will enhance your own personal charm; and develops good will all around, it must be realised.
16. Listen and not talk: ha…again a tough one. Most people want audience, but would not like to be audience for someone else. Personally I have gained much by being a listener than a talker. When you listen you have great advantages a) you can gauge the other person’s personality b) their motives c) their plans and actions d) and develop your own understanding on how to deal with them. The most important advantage is they will never know what you are!
17. Motivate yourself: don’t expect others to encourage you to move ahead. Intrinsic motivation is critically important if you want to succeed in life. Keep reminding yourself of your goals and set reasonable deadlines to achieve them. Talking to yourself to carry on work is necessary

All very tough to follow. Once even I wondered whether I will be able to do this, but overcame that hesitation very soon. Try and see the sea change in your personality.  A warning here, be open minded. If you think you are perfect and something is wrong with the world out there, you are seriously a victim of COGNITIVE CONSERVATISM, a psychological anomaly that makes you an unpleasant person to many others. Good luck to all who would like to respond to this sincere advice. –  Tips for being positive