OTHERS in our psychological wellbeing
OTHERS in our psychological wellbeing
OTHERS in our psychological wellbeing
- October 14, 2020
- Posted by: MAYURI
- Category: Articles
OTHERS in our psychological wellbeing
Other humans have a lot to contribute to our psychological wellbeing. But they are not in our control. How do we handle others so that they do not mess with our sense of wellbeing?
- Minimize their importance in our life: don’t be horrified! It is not as if you are being asked to love them less or ignore them! It simply means that another person must not take the most important place in your thoughts and your needs. Everyone comes into this world alone, and each one will leave alone too. You have heard this before. So do not accord any other human that all important position in your thoughts or emotions. Considerable emotional pain can be avoided by this simple act.
- Have low or no expectations from others: it is expectations from others that are the bane of our life causing unhappiness. When they do not fulfil those expectations, we are stressed, unhappy and get into depression. If you have no expectations, you are fine when they do not fit into that pattern and you are pleasantly surprised when they do things you did not expect them to do.
- Remember that others are not responsible to make you happy: yes, we fail in this miserably. We expect our family members, our friends, colleagues, neighbours, relatives to please us or if not, do not antagonise us. That is a wish that is both unfair and selfish. Others have no role to play in pleasing us.
- Spouse and children cannot take care of our psychological wellbeing: this too is not to be expected. Since all of them have different opinions about everything in life and have the freedom to choose their path, they may not be able to please us and we suffer agonies mentally. Expecting that from them is our mistake. Beyond a certain age we do not own our children too. We must learn to let go of them to follow their own path in life. The delicate balance of coordination and cooperation between the spouses is very hard to achieve. But every effort must be made to do so. This is the greatest skill required in life; after all, we can leave any situation, but not our spouses! Staying away from fruitless arguments, making as few demands as possible, having only few essential expectations from them, maintaining silence, doing your own thing, letting them keep their secrets are all good for the relationship
- Avoid resisting authority: we all live in a society with persons in different hierarchical positions. Getting into conflict with authority figures is one of the most common causes for mental disturbance. Avoiding this is very important. A working system requires that we obey the authority. You may hate the person, but you must respect the position the person holds in the organisation. It’s best to do so. Giving opinions, suggesting changes can be taken up only when this relationship is well maintained.
- Leaving others: Yes. Sometimes simply leaving the other person, avoiding confrontation and discourse with them is the best policy for our peace of mind. Not all family breakups are bad. There are serious psychological reasons for breaking up too. It must not be seen as a stigma. Only then the step can be taken. With others, it is easier to avoid them completely or mostly; changing job, asking for a different posting… are possible. Not hesitating to do so is an important step in the right direction.
- Differ with others but in a socially acceptable way: it is important to differ from others. But it must be done in an acceptable manner. The language, tone and place of presenting one’s own opinion must always be chosen very carefully, if we want to avoid conflicts and heartburn later. Sometimes not stating our point of view is the wisest thing!
- Others include things too: realizing that there are many things in life that can help us create a sense of well being is important. There are scores of examples in life of intelligent people using things to create fulfilment and happiness in their lives. People have painted, created music, written books, planted trees, built artworks, cooked great food and scores of others activities to get back their psychological peace and sense of well being. In the same vein, it is imperative that we practice giving up our favourite things too…an old chair, collection of out dated books, clothes that no longer fit, gadgets that cannot be used any more…all must be discarded without a thought to de clutter our surroundings…a must for maintaining pleasant surroundings for mental peace
What’s the conclusion?
Psychological wellbeing does not come easily. It is hard work. It requires intelligence, commitment and perseverance all through life and it is completely in the individual’s hand. So, buck up and create your own mental space and mental peace.
Wise counsel as always Mayuri! Agreed violently with most of your positions and one wishes that insight of this kind would come earlier in life but that is often not the case! I feel conflicted on a few items above though…we’ll have to discuss and debate those when we meet in person!
Very wise article. World shall be a better place to live if this happens. It is however still a bitter place! Attachment and expectations can certainly bring pain too. Inspite of so much of philosophy through books, articles, workshops, seminars, coaching the bitter aspect still exists. All wise thoughts vanish once you are out of a workshop/seminar/training-cum-coaching room and finishing of articles reading. Geeta also said that फल की इच्छा(expectation) मत कर but in major, it does not happen in this कलयुग! Few exceptions in individuals can always be counted on your finger tips, means so few! Rest all are in rat race with expectations and what not!
But a good eye opener article. Well done.
Wonderfully written mam and as I went through it, I could relate most of the points with Bhagvat Gita. The points seem to be very spiritual and core of life. 🙏
Akka,very nice article.
Yes ,creating our own mental peace and space is utmost. No point blaming any one for anything due to our own impulses.
It is known that karmkiye ja phal ki ichha mat kar he Insaan but because of human tendency every boby expects.
Similarly with boss or higher ups , management says
Convince else confuse , never argue.
With age as one moves towards spirituality the detachment comes. Till that it will be like that only
Certainly nice article
Much needed advice during these critical times. Well written madam!
Beautiful article!Most of us face this problem in life!Too many expectations from others with out knowing, that will be the cause of our psychological problems and unhappiness!The day we realise that we are the cause for our happy or unhappy state,we can train ourselves to have a healthy and happy mind!!You have explained very well and given the remedies too!Love the article!!
very nicely written Mayuri. It takes a while to get till there.. by then all of us would have gone through bouts of depression, loneliness, anger and frustration that others have not understood you. When you reach that stage when nobody needs to understand you and you are fine being in your own space/world.. a lot would have happened. It is at this time, we have to start living for ourselves.. not for our parents, not for our spouse or children.. its just I, me and myself. Sounds selfish but its true. Enjoyed reading it….
Wonderful article mam…very enlightening…it’s truth of life and we all should know and lead our life according ly. Every one should realise how much weightage should be given to others to safe guard our peace…it may vary from one person to other but ultimately we should be happy, contended and peaceful about our life and to safeguard psychological well being .. thank u very much madam for writing such a useful article..blessed to read it…parents must train their children about this life skill to preserve the mental health
Very thoughtful article and I agree with you Mayuri with every point..As we grow up we have to create our own space to keep us physically and mentally active,which is very important for our peace of mind.The more the interferences and expectations in others matters ,including children,naturally the more the dissatisfaction and disappointments.
Very well written Ma’am. Expectation really creates a lot of disturbance and at the same time acceptance gives a lot peacefulness. Eveyone should practice the tips mentioned in the article to be peaceful. Thank you Ma’am for such a wonderful write up.