Negativity
- April 22, 2020
- Posted by: MAYURI
- Category: Articles
Negativity
Our lives are full of negativity, if we come to analyse it. Ironically we all want to be positive contented and happy, but fill our lives with negativity all the time and many among us, become negative human too.
Some good examples
- The television news that we watch talks of nothing but negative , bad, horrible and even scary news all the time. We watch it hours together, without complaining
- The first five pages of news papers too are full of negative news; murders, fatal accidents, fires, rapes, building collapses, thefts, and deaths form the crux of “news”.
- Making conversations is full of negative comments, observations, criticisms of others
- Watch a film and come out, the first things we recall are what was not nice, terrible about the film
- Eating food at home, we keep quite when it is very tasty, but are very vocal and critical when it is not up to the mark
- Bosses are notorious for simply taking credit when things go well, but most often are highly critical of subordinates work
- We scold and scold our children too, rarely bothering to appreciate them
- Family relationships are full of criticisms, hardly any praise. Mothers in law heap negativity on their daughters in law, spouses keep criticising each other, and so on.
- Governments too are not far behind! The biggest news is completely formed on negative criticisms of each other.
- Politicians thrive on throwing muck on each other
At a personal level, negativity consists of anger, intolerance, irritability, frustration and other such feelings which make a person blind to anything positive in others, in situations and events. The reactions are not only immediate but also completed loaded with negative reactions and criticisms.
Why do we humans enjoy negativity so much?
It is obvious that negativity would not thrive in human societies, if it did not have some serious perceived benefits
- Negativity gives us vicarious pleasure. Yes. This is true. Nothing is more satisfying than a well rounded scold, criticism, or a dressing down given to somebody. Wonder if scientists have ever measured the influx of happy hormones when this happens!
- We humans get excited and experience a thrill when horrific incidents happen, and the news is presented on the news media. This is sad, but true state of affairs.
- Negativity keeps us away from boredom, which we dread more than anything negative.
- Negativity, when it comes from us, gives us a sense of power; which is a heady feeling that all humans would like to experience once in a while. But some among us, have a dire need to experience it in every and any human encounter. The constant nag, scolding spouse or parent, and boss come to mind.
- Many among us suffer from masochism too, the enjoyment of an activity that appears to be painful. Such persons have vicarious satisfaction facing negativity, not creating it! Classic examples are the long suffering women in every society, who refuse to be rescued from their circumstances.
- At an impersonal level, negativity, when it is coupled with humour, is a big source of entertainment. The slowpoke, the ugly duckling, the dwarf, the scared puppy are all good examples. Most of our comedy shows thrive on negative criticism , poking fun of others’ weaknesses
What are the consequences of this sad state of affairs?
- Unfortunately, humans love to think of negative things rather than positive. Many languages even have proverbs to emphasise that thinking negative first is better! In ancient writings, thinking of positive was considered a luxury and thinking of negative was considered preparation for terrible occurrences. Now, thankfully, our personality development Gurus tell us to think positive first.
- We must realise that thinking, speaking and acting negative is basically detrimental to our own health, both mental as well as physical, forget about taking revenge on someone else! This realization comes the hard way. Doctors don’t tell us to work on our negativity, they simply prescribe medicines when we approach them with health issues!
- We must also realise that our social circle gradually gets narrower by our negativity. We lose friends, well wishers and even our relatives shun us after a while. Isn’t it a very high price to pay?
- The worst effects of our negativity is faced by our immediate family. Lesser and lesser interactions within the family are bane of such a situation. Spouse and children confide less, or do not confide at all. Family conversations dwindle and may stop at some point too.
- In the job front, negativity may cost us big! Losing support of colleagues, being kept out of team work, not being handed responsibilities, being ignored, and ultimately losing out on positive feedback by the authorities, which could cost us promotions and pay hikes! Big reasons to control our negativity.
What can we do?
- First and foremost, we would want to stop being negative .There is a need to train ourselves to avoid negativity in thoughts first, then actions. This is a tough call. Thoughts are hard to control. But concerted effort is needed. Before we jump in to criticise somebody’s work, take a hard look at it to see if some of it might be worth keeping, then we will know how to start the conversation with that person, by pointing out what was good, and what needs improvement.
- When a surge of negative thoughts engulf us, the immediate need is to physically step back from the situation…move away, or send the triggering person away, postpone that interaction. Reflection, and calming down will help in mitigating negative outcomes
- Make deliberate efforts, consciously to see good in things, people, their work, and their behaviours. This takes time, but with constant practice, this can be achieved. When you do that, comment on that good thing…it is important to do that, so that others too realise that you are making an effort in changing the interactions.
- And kindly stop watching, reading negative news, programmes, horror films, crime, and international espionage series constantly. They have the power to mess up the most tranquil of minds!
Hard to follow in the times of lock down, with the added frustration of no movement from home? More the need to start practising now, how to avoid negativity in life…after all, we really do not know what the tiny virus has in store for us! Better to become better humans before some calamity hits us.
Nice detailing on ‘negativity’, Mayuri. It is said that “thoughts positive or negative gets fertilized with constant repeatation” So better to opt for positive thoughts’ fertilization. This can be only done, as you said, staying away from negative news/information. Same, one may not realize, stays in our mind unconsciously and shall get fertilized. In today’s scenario, unfortunately negativity sells. It becomes problem of survival if people don’t sell ‘negativity’. It is however our approach how we remain away from such adverse situations. The only remedy to negativity is only meditation in silence.
It is definitely a challenge to stay positive in today’s negative world but then if “rose can stay amongst thorns why can’t we!”
Nice one madam. Many a times negativity seeps into life without noticing as most of the times the surrounding society is such. Our will power, confidence and positive perspective can really help us. Most of us are habituated to find faults rather than to appreciate the good things. We are pre occupied with negative critics, so I feel we need to focus on positivity, goodness and try to appreciate the good in self as well as in others.
Akka,
It is true depiction of what and how negativity creeps in.
It is only our mind which will look at positivity or negativity and one needs that higher level of thinking to take positive in every thing. Else even 99% sucess has1%failure. One can be happy for getting 99 or dejected for not scoring100 which some one might have got. As you explained, TV, media, politics are bent upon to induce negativity and people are falling pray to that. If one considers that all that is happening is for good and wait with little patience to overcome the perceived negative aspects, one will certainly see light at the end of tunnel.
I’m currently reading a book on the power of subconscious mind. In that the author states that what we feed to our soul is what becomes true for us. For most people, it is negative attributes that they see in others makes them thrive in life. They want to keep you down in order for them to survive. That’s human survival instinct. As disgusting as it sounds, it’s actually true. Humans thrive on negativity and that is not going to change at all. Positivity is an unattainable and actually unwanted goal for most people.
You nailed it with these points Amma.
Negative thoughts are in the minds of humans…everyone says you should think positive things…yes…they are right…you have to be positive for everything except for coronavirus…it is a topic handled by both religious leaders as well as scientists…they have not arrived at any solution so far…so negative thoughts and positive thoughts will come and go in all of our minds…positive thoughts bring happiness and negative thoughts bring sadness…that is called life…i LIKE to stop at this…or it will continue and continue….
Thank you all for your valuable feedback
Thank you madam for this nice article. You are right human life is filled up with negativity . You nicely pointed out the crucial reasons for negativity in daily life. And as you said it’s really hard to think positive when our mind overflows with negativity . Since so many decades we are habituated to negativity should I say addicted to negativity it’s very hard to grow positive thinking . But for everything there is a beginning. Nothing is impossible . So we should atleast start with slow steps. Thanks once again for this positive article .