Honesty and trustworthiness

Why did I combine these two traits to discuss today? Both are considered very honorable and worth having traits. Great saints have always told us to be both honest and trustworthy. Being completely honest and trustworthy in life is not possible for most of us. But many among us, after having committed mistakes, blunders and indulged in cheating behavior try to get honest and admit shortcomings, wanting to turn a new page in life pretty sincerely. But, in these circumstances, these two traits in combination do not fit, as we can see in the modern world. Any number of glaring examples can be seen, from simple to complex ones.   This is not an exhaustive list though.

• A child being honest tells the teacher that he did not understand and therefore copied from another
• A young man admits to his parents he did have alcohol with his friends
• A young man tell he had failed in his 10^th standard once to a interview panel of experts
• A subordinate admits that he was out celebrating with family and could not reach office on time the next morning
• A boss admits that he himself did not understand the instructions given by higher office
• The researcher admits that he could collect data from only 75 % of the selected sample
• The child tells his parent that he did not eat the dal and rice but threw it away
• And a young woman about to be married/ or just married admits to having had a boy friend/ male friends to the spouse; a young man too may make a similar admission to his new wife
• A business man admits to cheating the public of lakhs of rupees
• Then there are grave crimes; admitting to have committed robbery, murder and grievous injury to others

These ‘ honest’  people have lost an opportunity to be considered trustworthy. Not anymore will the persons concerned in their respective lives are likely trust them ever; at least for the grave mistakes committed.  Always they will be seen with suspicious eyes. Their movements will be checked, their phones tapped, their admissions of honest actions will be questioned again and again and they will be considered not dependable and not trustworthy anymore and they will be prosecuted in the court of law and even outside it! Their honesty will never be rewarded, that’s for sure.

Some of these honest admissions are excused in  course of time:

• Child copying in examination
• Child not eating the packed food
• Subordinate coming late to office
• Young man failing in school
• Boss not understanding instructions
• Young men admitting to having had a girl friend and having alcohol

But there are some that are never excused

• The researcher will always be seen as a cheat in research work
• The young woman will be branded for life as untrustworthy
• The businessman who cheats others of money will never be given money for safe keeping  again
• The person committing a crime will be considered dangerous all his / her life

So it is obvious that being honest in everything is not a great idea, since acceptance does not come easily to the recipients of such admissions. Even after being punished, serving the sentence, and being acquitted, the criminal will never be considered trustworthy again in life.  The young woman will be harassed, branded and left for good, or suffers in silence in an unlivable relationship all her life. The researcher will never get due respect in his entire career and the business man will find it an uphill task to set up new business.

So what does one do?  Being honest is not going to pay dividends, so not tell at all? Not necessarily so.

Different people react differently to such situations

• Hiding something all one’s life could be a great psychological burden for some. Such persons must admit and face the music and they are generally  willing to do so
• There are others very good at keeping deep secrets and leading absolutely comfortable lives; they need not worry about admitting anything
• There are some very smart, who tell but tell in such a way that they don’t get caught or be criticized. This requires tremendous control of mind, emotions and intellect

Honesty is a funny thing; being honest may bring in innumerable problems in the external world, but it cleanses the inner world like nothing else can. If you cherish the calmness of the inner world, be honest, tell all, but be strong enough to face the consequences of not being considered trustworthy anymore. Both these important personality traits rarely go hand in hand.

So the choice of living with it or letting it go and facing the world are the only two choices available to us. Each one of us makes our choices and lives with them.

Honest but not trustworthy?  How does that sound?