Gratitude
- September 29, 2019
- Posted by: MAYURI
- Category: Articles
Gratitude
We are often told to be grateful for the kindnesses we receive from others. Especially we are urged to be grateful to God for this life!
It is simpler to be grateful or not grateful to God. God does not respond to us directly. We pray every day, we ignore, it is all the same for God. It makes a difference to us though.
On the other hand, we are expected to shun the desire of expecting gratitude from others! This is the dilemma for all humans.
How many of us feel that gratitude is a mute question. After all, if we bring in fate and its shenanigans, they are bound to be there for us at that point of time and destined to help us and we were destined to receive that help! In return, we may be destined to help them or someone else… one does not know where fate takes us. Where does the question of eternal gratitude come?
It is in the mind of the person. People most often do not realize that if not they, someone else would come along to give a helping hand.
Person to person gratitude is therefore a tricky thing.
- How much gratitude and for how long?
- What are the modes of expressing it? A ‘thank you’ will suffice or something more must be done?
- What is constituted as a deed that one needs to be grateful for?
How much gratitude and for how long?
Being grateful or not towards other humans is a very tricky issue!
- Some expect us to remember, recall and retell their good deeds towards us all the time
- Some would like us to personally acknowledge it at important events, when they climb on to a dias or when we climb on to a dias!
- Some would expect us to eternally stay behind them in hierarchy!
- Some would expect a lot from us in return, much more than their good deed deserves
- Some would expect to turn only towards them and not seek help elsewhere in crisis; that would appear like an insult to them
What are the modes of expressing it?
- For some if we say Thank you… that will be all
- For many others, we must reciprocate in many different ways, do other things for them that they expect, be there at their beck and call…
What is constituted as a deed that one needs to be grateful for?
This last one is the trickiest one of the lot. Gross discrepancies can be seen in the way household work and out of home work done by people are viewed and we are expected to be grateful lifelong towards those who go out to work.
In the work place, gratitude takes a very different dimension altogether. The boss must be appreciated for all he does for his subordinates, but what about that insignificant woman who cleans the washrooms in the office? Do we ever feel gratitude towards her? Mute question!
The saints have urged us to do good and have no expectations. Alas! That’s not possible for humans. Rarely do we find a person not expecting anything from us, even after receiving help from them.
In the so called civilized society, the gratitude issue is well covered up, and is elicited indirectly through hints and threats at a personal level.
- We may be directly asked to be grateful to someone
- They may hint at it often enough to help us remember their great help always
- A third person may be recruited to keep us in check
- They may take it out on us in indirect manner –
- Forgetting to invite us to important events
- Taking great care to see that we do not get introductions to the powerful persons
- Deny us access to resources
- Take away credit from us and give it to someone else
- Not allow us to even complete a sentence in voicing our opinions
- Never sincerely thank us for anything we do; that is they don’t owe us gratitude!
- Back bite about our ingratitude
This way, we are constantly reminded of what they have done for us and how grateful we need to be towards them.
On the flip side of the coin there is genuine ‘ingratitude’ too. Many people receive good deeds from others but do not ever feel grateful or will they ever acknowledge it. What are the reasons?
- They feel an entitlement: The other person is duty bound to keep doing good things for them! Innumerable examples can be seen in our society, work places and families through the positions people occupy in hierarchy in all social institutions. Bosses, elders, men, husbands and children…all feel an entitlement!
- They have paid for it: money corrupts the mind! Since they have paid for the services, they need not be grateful to anyone. It’s the duty of the other to do things for them and do them well
- Narcissistic attitude: I deserve this! I don’t have to be grateful to anybody, I am the greatest.
- Certain personal traits, irrespective of persons being men or women, make them feel they deserve all good that is coming their way, and they need not be grateful to anyone. Pushy nature, assertive and aggressiveness, cunningness and manipulative tendencies help people get away with gross ingratitude all their lives.
- Relationships: husbands need not express gratitude towards wife, parents need for be grateful to children, children need to be grateful to parents, elders in general can get away with ingratitude towards youngsters, daughters families have to contend with lifelong ingratitude from her in – laws families. Our social norms give them these sanctions.
Bottom line:
- Those who expect gratitude must learn to receive messages, small or big gestures in limitation and shun them soon. No one can be grateful lifelong for good deeds received. This must not be expected.
- Those who suffer from ingratitude must learn at least to say “Thank You” to the persons who do good things for them. A minimum courtesy.
Is this wishful thinking?
good message…
Dear madam
I feel that gratitude is one of the personality traits associated with ones core values and ideals.like you said it is difficult for anybody to be grateful life long to the people who have done good deeds. Some amount of positivity can be expected ofcourse instead of complete ignorance.
Good, nicely written article with lot of depth.
Awaiting next trait!