- December 21, 2018
- Posted by: MAYURI
- Category: Articles
What percentage of world population is into eavesdropping? With the advent of social media there is less need now, people tell us all they feel, they do and they think about almost everything under the sun. But still everyone has something to keep to themselves but share with a few friends or family. Interestingly some people are into finding out that too.
This tendency of snooping on others has lead to much trauma and conflict in human relationships. I have known no one who has eavesdropped and found something nice said about them!!!
Who are these people who have this dying urge to eavesdrop?
- Those with fragile ego; that ego which needs to be supported all the time. Such people subconsciously too worry about what others think of them, and hence the dire need to eavesdrop. The boss in the office comes to mind.
- People who thrive on other people to provide entertainment, relieve them of boredom. The neighborhood woman/man is an example.
- People who have a natural flair for suspecting others. This suspicious nature makes them search for ways to find out about others any which way. The suspicious husband or wife is great example.
- People who are insecure about their position in the social world. Again authority figures in the office are good examples.
- People who have no other talent, but to carry information to the powerful persons so that they could gain benefits. Offices and families have plenty of these people.
What are the different ways in which eavesdropping happens?
- Standing behind the curtain… this has been mastered by many for ions and still works well in many places.
- Searching the suspected persons personal effects- bags, purses, almirahs, desks, computers etc. happens equally frequently in offices and at homes.
- Modern ways include checking cell phones…starting from display pictures and messages to Whatsapp messages, Facebook entries, profiles, instagram and twitter entries… to name a few. People unconsciously give away a lot of information about themselves on these platforms, which is very convenient for the eavesdroppers.
- Seeking information from those who are in the habit of confiding such information for personal benefit or due to sheer vicarious pleasure they get out of bad mouthing the other person.
What are effects of eavesdropping on the culprit?
- They never get to listen to anything that is complimentary about them. The fact that they have been excluded from that set of interactions is an indication that it is not anything good about them. Often very uncomplimentary things are heard and this leads to further unhappiness and trauma. Ego is hurt, self esteem plummets and general anger increases.
- Since they do get to know what the other feels about them, interpersonal relationships take a toss. It is near impossible to maintain seemingly manageable relationship with the other person.
- He/she tends to make more enemies; the persons with whom these confidences were shared too get into the list of suspicious characters on who further eavesdropping becomes necessary! The vicious circle expands and continues.
- Gradually, people get out of one’s vicinity since they get to know that it is dangerous to befriend the eavesdropper.
What are effects of eavesdropping on the victim?
- This person loses the relationship, whether it is a boss – subordinate, husband-wife, between friends, between relatives… whatever. Repairing this relationship may take ages or it may never get repaired at all.
- Regret is useless; nothing much can be done since the other has heard everything said, saw everything written.
- Apologies don’t help since they will never be considered sincere, even if the victim is being sincere.
What can be done by the eavesdropper?
- While this behavioural tendency is difficult to fight, serious effort must be made to stop eavesdropping. This requires the following exercises
- Curtail ones ego…going on an ego trip leads to such irrational behaviours
- Fight the urge to pick up that phone, do not stop behind the curtain, don’t follow that person, walk out when the urge to rummage that person’s desk occurs
- Remember, every person has a private world, private space that they may or may not share with us… recall one’s own private space before encroaching on the other’s.
OK, one has heard something completely derogatory about one’s behaviour, personality. Should one really react negatively to that? This must be a question we must ask ourselves.
- Can one think of dealing with this in a positive manner?
- Can you improve your behaviour? Not encroach on the others privacy?
- Can you make amends if that is possible?
- Can you simply ignore the entire issue and carry on as always, to gradually move to a better interaction with that person? These are important questions to answer in the affirmative, if you want the situation to improve.
What can be done by the eavesdropped?
- The best advice would ideally be to lead a life that is an open book, be satisfied with whatever is dished out by life and not get upset with anyone on any issue. Since this is impossible for almost all humans, there are problems.
- As far as possible, do not give out your passwords to suspicious persons, be they your superiors, your spouse, your best friend. It is important to have your privacy… being in a relationship does not mean that you have to give up on your privacy completely.
- Be careful what you say, where you say and to whom you say things of personal nature. Inner dialogue is always safer than confiding in some person.
- Try to handle issues on your own…seeking support is fine only when it is imperative and the circumstances are conducive to confidentiality.
- When in trauma, it is important to find a person who understands. Careful communication that does not lead to eavesdropping by others must be looked for, before any confidences are exchanged.
Since eavesdropping is rampant in the overloaded communication world we live in now, most of us have had serious problems from it. Its time we all realised the importance of nurturing our inner world, dealing with it on our own as much as possible and avoiding unnecessary conflicts with others. And finally, as far as possible, stay vary of the compulsive eavesdroppers.