What Did I do All My Professional Career?

This question must leap into everyone’s mind as we retire. All of us have long CVs /biodata, which cryptically state all our achievements. In the academic field from which I come from I have lots to say for such achievements. But those remain only the tangible ones. The intangible ones which one cannot measure but are simply experienced are never the focus. These are not required in any of our promotion applications. Here is such a list

• Courses we have taught well; the list is there to see for everyone, but the subjective experience of teaching a course to one’s own satisfaction cannot be put into words. Many times, I have walked out of a class feeling exhilarated at the perfectness of the way the lecture went, and the utter satisfaction in the eyes of a hundred and odd students.
• The write up for a paper presentation at a seminar; late night, in the quietness, I know I felt one with the almighty at the utmost contentment I felt in the manner in which the paper turned out.
• The one time when a large research article had to be brought down to hundred words for submission to an International conference, I spent alone time at the desktop in my office and after three hours accomplished it to my satisfaction. The mind was completely taken up by the activity and I missed my regular university bus, without realising I did so! The paper was accepted for presentation and not poster. It was one trilling moment
• When a new topic was to be introduced to students, for which no known references were available, I had to do an extempore in the class; what a lecture it turned out to be! Wish I had taped it.
• Doing research is an exciting activity. When I was engaged in any research activity, I kept thinking of it every day all through the waking hours every now and then. Ideas simply spring to mind at all odd situations; I have noted down ideas on bills, on the napkins, in slips of newspapers, sent messages to my daughter through my cell phone and many such funny things.
• Interestingly I have had dreams about my work very often, and the next morning, not only would I tell my family, but write down those ideas even before making coffee!
• There are activities other than teaching and research in a university college that we all take up. I have been extremely fortunate to have been generally recruited for academic work rather than physical arrangements for any event that takes place in the institution. Here too I have had very satisfying experiences, though I rarely got any direct credit for the work done. Conference/seminar proceedings, annual reports, a consolidated report of the institution for scrutiny, research compendiums, technical bulletins, newsletters and so on. I cherish every single experience of having done them to my satisfaction.

What were things I feel I should have done?

There are a few things I wish I had done during my career

• Actively trained someone in the skills that I knew I had
• Sought help from others more often rather than take the whole burden of work
• Asked for more appreciation for the work done well as my due
• Refused some of the work that was actually getting to be too much load

Why I did not do these things

• I did not find anyone sufficiently interested in learning the ropes, and it is not in my nature to force things on others, though I had the position and power to do so
• Never sought any help since I never seriously trusted anyone to do the task better than me or with the speed with which I did them (Conceited I am!)
• I was sufficiently self-contained, have pretty high self-esteem so never felt I had to ask for appreciation
• I could never refuse work which I knew I could do without much difficulty, and took all the load in my stride.

So there goes my subjective evaluation of my 36 years of career. If there are lessons to be learnt from this I would be most happy.