Speaking etiquette

We humans alone can communicate through speech.  We are very proud of this ability and most among us are likely to use this ability to the hilt. Meaning, constantly communicating through speech.

Here are some scenarios all of us faced at some point, and many among us face all the time!

• They call or you call on the telephone/mobile, they talk and never let you complete even a sentence. At the end of half an hour you know a lot about their day/ week/ month but you did not get even one message across to them. These same people will question you about something important that you did not share with them!
• They tell you every bit of their yesterday, what they plan to do today and tomorrow and next month too. Everything about them is IMPORTANT. Nothing about you is.
• Sometimes some fair amount of time lapses before you try getting your word across, they immediately call an end to the conversation recalling something important.
• You are trying to explain something; they keep interrupting with inane questions.
• Sometimes they ask you a question and still not want to listen to your answer!
• They repeat that classic statement you actually made and try owning it
• Fed up, you stop calling or making conversation when you are with them, they accuse you of becoming secretive
• They shut you up, saying not to interrupt them, but they constantly interrupt you
• They do not listen, and ask you to repeat the message again.
• Even when your meaning is clear they cry ‘what do you mean?’
• Finally, they talk and you simply listen, but when you talk, if ever, they will not listen.

Did we not see such people in our lives?

These people could be our family, friends, colleagues, bosses, neighbours or acquaintances. We could meet them everywhere. All of us can recall such speaking incidents. I admit that except in a classroom, where students are respectful and listen and not interrupt, all my life I have been interrupted in conversations. There were funnily incidents when I called, and the other one talked so much that I forgot what I was going to tell that person in the first place!

How to deal with such situations?

If we are at the receiving end of bad speaking etiquette

• Start the conversation with what you wanted to say, leave all niceties for later, if you do get a chance you can say them. Politely if you ask what’s happening in their life, the conversation is hijacked by the other
• Tell them how much time you can spare them in that talk; say 2 minutes
• Interrupt them to come to the point immediately. I know, politeness does not allow you to be rude, but yes, you must practice this.
• Remind them that the incident they are narrating was told to you many times before
• Even if you have not heard something before, lie if you have to, to escape listening to a long adventure that has nothing to do with your and her current situation
• Call others, make conversation only if you have to. I know that is difficult. But it is worth it. People are so engrossed in themselves that they are not interested in you. Trying to get them interested is generally a futile exercise, and I think pretty demeaning too. Of course, the other will call you after sometime and accuse you of being silent!

If you are the one that suffers from bad speaking etiquette

• Accept that you are terrible at this skill. If you don’t, no one can save you
• Practice listening skills. Really a tough one this, but you must practice it
• Value others time, their perceptions and their lives too, unless you learn to value others, you will never pay attention to what they are saying
• Count 10… at least 5, before interrupting other’s speech
• Practice basic manners of enquiring how they are when you call them, asking them why they called if they call you. Really this needs a lot of practice
• Lastly, please, cut down on your ego trip…you are not the most important person on earth that your life events are more important than that of the others.

The victims of this everyday trauma, here is an advice, that I follow these days, I simply don’t call. I message. Some of the most important things I had to communicate to others in my life have been messaged. The talkers don’t like to message long ones, so you are safe at least there! A few emoji’s will come back to you instead.