Raising children
- February 8, 2018
- Posted by: MAYURI
- Category: Articles
Raising children
When we were children, there were a score of occasions on which we would laugh our guts out. Mother would laugh too along with us. We were just middle class large family who could hardly afford any personal play things. Still we played hard and enjoyed ourselves. Not one day did our parent tell us what to do. They left us to deal with our stresses and problems. We children played most of the time, studied very less and still got through all exams in flying colours.
When we reached the age of primary school years, dad trained us in English language. The last three among us never went to English medium schools; we were placed in ZP municipal schools. But language training was given by elder brothers and sister and dad. Mother told us great stories from the epics. Youngest among our elder brothers trained us in creative play. There was interestingly no television, no cinema, no outings and an occasional listening to radio! But I remember enjoying my childhood immensely.
When we reached adolescence, we started reading…it has become a life time activity for the entire family. Ours must have been one of those families in which when a book came home, everyone fought for reading it first, including mother!! And we would have discussions on the books. We had no TV but we made up dramas and enacted them.
And we laughed together a lot. That is why I am tell you all this. There was a relaxed atmosphere at home, in the play ground and in school. We truly enjoyed our childhood.
How many children can claim to such happiness these days? I see children around me complaining, fighting with each other, fighting with parents for this or that gadget, isolating themselves with a cell phone, lazing around the television eating rubbish. Parents are stressed out. They take things too seriously and do not allow their children to enjoy childhood. Schools are even worse. They expect children to get those grades that will put their institution in the top rung. Everybody is chasing something; hence the running race.
Here are a few suggestions to let your child take life as it comes, enjoy and fulfill his/her potential
- Let the child be. Don’t expect the child to do scores of things by 3 years of age!
- DON’T compare your child with any other child, not even his/ her siblings. Each child is unique
- Each child has a pace at which the child matures and then learns, without maturation learning cannot happen.
- Identify each child’s unique traits, build on them
- Look for positive characteristics in children, before jumping on the negative
- Have patience; raising children is clearly the toughest job under the sun!!
- Develop positive attitude towards child care, don’t see it as a burden. It can be a very rewarding experience
- Do not expect the child to follow your footsteps, follow the path you dreamt of. Child may want to do something totally different
- No gender specific socialization please! But for the reproductive role, boys and girls are similar in everything else and can achieve similarly, or fail similarly too.
- Understand the temperament of your child before using disciplinary measures; for one tough child a good scold may be the thing to give; for a sensitive child, explaining in a patient way may be necessary.
- Spend time with the child; this is critical to prevent the child from latching onto the electronic gadgets. The time spent must be in activities such as playing indoor, outdoor games, reading to them, telling them stories, talking to them about social issues, asking them how their day was in school, explaining household work, doing household work along with them and many such other.
- As parents, kindly watch your own behavior; we parents unconsciously model behaviours that very young children notice, internalize and imitate. This is dangerous. Temper tantrums, unkind words, harsh gestures, cruel treatment of others and animals, telling lies, bragging, giving only negative feedback are all observed by children…and children learn from all that they see. ‘We can be as we like…but children must behave well ‘ is a wrong concept. It never works that way. We are showing the path to the children.
- Teach children to value; other persons, public property, money, time, natural resources. If we don’t they will never be responsible adults. Value education is not simply telling them stories from the epics.
- Teach the child to respect others perspectives and opinions, let him/her understand relationships are built on the strong foundation of giving some while asking for some compromise from the others.
- Defeat in life is a given; build resilience in the child to take defeat in his/ her stride and move ahead, with better plan, better attitude and better preparation.
- Build social consciousness in the child, talk about issues that related to the social world, encourage the child to participate in activities such as planting saplings, feeding the poor, marathon runs for social causes, saving natural resources such as water, electricity etc.
- Finally, encourage children to express love and affection by being demonstrative yourself in the family, friends groups. It is very important, in this world in which such feelings are rapidly deteriorating.
There is a lot more to say. But need to stop somewhere to get the basic message across.
Great article with sound advice. Parenting is an art that is hard to learn and can be learnt only with experience. As a mother of 3 year old, there is a lot I learnt about my child as well as myself in the past three years of parenthood. Though it can be the toughest job in the world, it is the most enjoyable and immensely satisfying job too.
Very true.
Madam really i completely agree with your statements. Each suggestion and statement you have made holds a theory behind it. Being a human devt specialist i am trying my levelbest to inculcate the personal and social values in my kids. But sometimes i feel they are not serious about their commitments which i used to be. Comparatively they are enjoying luxurious childhood which they feel as d basic needs. This gap iam experiencing. Sometimes unable to meet the childrens expectations compels me to feel guilty about my parenting. I feel we should leave few needs unmet to make them respinsible and enjoy the pleasure of achievement and gratification.
While raising the child, ‘patience’ is the name of the game. Annoyance has a very rare and limited place. Imbibing positivity in a child is of utmost importance. Constant ‘positive’ watch will strengthen the child. Physical and mental strengthening is a big challenge in today’s generation but parents have to face it and come out of it successfully for long term positive growth of the child.
Beware, when you are treating your children you are actually treating your grandchildren!!
Nice compilation of facts on raising the child.
Wonderful article madam. I think its a gift for me both personally and professionally as well. As i am also working on parenting i could witness many urban parents instructing and directing the children at each and every step. They do not allow the child to think on their own and at the same time they expect their child to take right decisions. Very funny but highly illogical. At the same time the environment is overly stimulating and many atimes parents are helpless. I think its only the values which can be sowed in early years so that child is intrinsically shielded to face the world outside.
Very interesting and useful article Mayuri,guiding the present -day parents.The article followed by suggestions made it an unique one.From the way ,you described your childhood,one should realise,a relaxed mind only can achieve success in their respective fields.I think the schools are playing a major part in forcing the child to reach their targets,and giving punishments if they fail,which in turn force the parents too to goad the children to meet the competetion.Now it has become a vicious circle.Me and my datr. Experiencing this with our grandchildren.As you rightly said,instilling moral values,social consciousness at very early age develops a positive outlook in children,which in future helps them in decision making and handling the situations.