Can you say what you want to say?

Is it easy?

Not for many and not at all times

It is very true that most of us have something sharp and critical to say to our spouses, friends, colleagues, bosses, children, relatives and neighbours.

But most of us do not do so. Otherwise this world would have been a verbal battleground.

There are two parties involved in this surely negative transaction. One is you the other is one of the above mentioned person / persons.

It goes without saying that the stress that builds up because you are not able to say all the wonderful things on to their face, and it will eat into your psyche.

What to do?

Some ideas on this

• Pick up courage and say it. Tragically, in the highly emotional state, we tend to forget in what manner we wanted to say it, what exactly we wanted to say, and what choicest words we wanted to use. This could become a totally unwanted disastrous situation leading to huge arguments. This is further compounded by the fact that the other person constantly interrupts!
• Say these things in inner dialogue while you are on your own; cooking, taking a walk, cleaning something, in the bathroom etc. here the advantage is you can choose the choicest words and dialogues. It’s not only satisfying but completely private and no harm done, or you think so. But a lot of harm is done to your blood pressure, while the other person is blissfully ignorant of what you are feeling
• Say all things to someone else, who has a sympathetic ear. There is a lot of danger here since this can be passed on to the original intended recipient in a very uncomfortable distorted manner, and you can expect a showdown sometime!
• Saying it to someone else has another disadvantage; you may be transferring your stress to this person unknowingly, if he/she is truly concerned about you. That is simply not ethical.
• Writing it down. This is a good way to let off steam without harming anyone. But the problem is many of us are not good at writing, and when you can’t write well, the satisfaction is not adequate.
• Another problem with writing is, it is hard to tear it up. You tend to keep it somewhere and the danger is that others may see it. And mind you written documents are great evidences which cannot be denied!
• Now we come to our latest mode of communication; the social media. We don’t have to say anything or write anything directly, the social media has all written it there; we simply have to read it, “like” it and share it hoping the other person reads and gets the hint!!!
• Surprisingly the other person does see it, he/she too will like it and share it, completely missing the broad hint. Not one person looking at all the beautifully worded messages on social media will apply any of them to their own personalities.

So we are back to square one. How to say things that are burning our minds to such an extent that we are unable to concentrate on other things?

Some ideas on this

• Use of humour; cultivating saying things in a humorous manner is very good since it will be received very differently than an angry outburst
• Use of extremely carefully chosen words that soften the blow; sharp words lead to stronger reactions
• Use of arguments that are on one side are appreciative, but do get across our meaning in clear terms
• Choosing the right time to say it; not when in company of others, not when the person is otherwise preoccupied, not when the person is eating food or trying to go to sleep, and not when children are watching etc.

You say all this planning will take away the spontaneity of the moment? Well go ahead and have your blazing fights every now and then, but remember the hard feelings that are generated through the fights cannot be wished away anytime soon. Relationships break quickly in such a scenario.

For me, the inner dialogue and writing have been great catharsis.

That’s why you are reading this!!!What is in the human mind?